Magus...I HAD to have the platinum

Its hard to know where to begin...

Ok, here we go, I sometimes like to go on Amazon and type in a game I like and see what Amazon suggests for me. This has led me to some really great games. Like the time I was pre-ordering Persona 2 Innocent Sin and it suggested Hakuoki and I bought it and I fell in love with all things Shinsengumi related.
So one day, I was perusing Amazon, as one does and I see a plain black placeholder image with the word Magus across it up for pre-order. I click cause dammit hello MAGE is right in the name. The description was pretty non existant and while I thought about pre-ordering I just wasn't feeling it, but I added it to the wishlist. Eventually the game was released to horrid reviews and I went "well glad I didn't buy that" but..you see, I'm a girl who loves Sharknado and Dino Croc. I loved the Game Realms of Ancient War and I LIVE for Dynasty Warriors. I like bad things is what I'm saying, or at least things that are perceived as bad by a large majority of people. Being I like bad, I knew I wanted to play this game but, not for that damn price. I like bad things but I ain't stupid.

Flash forward to the latest PSN sale...Lo and behold! MAGUS!! for TWO DOLLARS!!! TWO F-IN DOLLARS! and me with 50 cents in the bank! FML
But, my very kind friend Chris (Hi Chris!) who spoils me WAY too much was sweet enough to get me a PSN card so that I could buy this masterpiece of crap!
I rushed to the PS Store to buy it and...the PSN store randomly booted me out. Maybe it was trying to save me. I log back in and I buy it and set it to download. While it downloaded I decided to browse the store some more...still on the fence about a couple games (is $4 really worth it? hmm) and suddenly...the psn store kicked me out again and my download errored out. WTF? its like the cosmos is intervening. Well, screw you cosmos, I WILL download Magus.
Second try worked and I downloaded the anemic 870mb game. When I try to play it it tells me it needs an update. I click on it and...my ps3 shut down and restarted... I try again, same thing. Now its fucking war! Third times a charm and finally I can begin this glorious masterpiece of bad decisions.

Why this long ass story before getting into the game? Because I want you to feel where I'm coming from, ya feel?

This game is....ugly...
I'm not one for graphics, really I'm not, but at the same time...when you play a PS3 game you have certain...expectations...like, you don't expect a game to look like early to mid PS2. I don't even wanna talk about the hilarious horror that was the title character's teeth and eyes in the opening...um...cinematic? cutscene? thing I couldn't control right before I could control it...I don't know what to call that.

You play as Magus, generic, hideous, white bald guy, who is a god, but doesn't know it or something and is in prison. Some chick breaks you out and off we go to do...stuff.

Look at this glorious bastard! Yes, this is a PS3 game...shocking, I know. 

The game says its an action RPG but really its a really lame 3rd person shooter. You get no weapons. But you do have 3 colors of magic. Red, Blue and Green. Red is useless..seriously...I never used red. I went most of the game with the Green started magic and occasionally the blue just for a little color variety. You power up your magic by absorbing it from glowy colored rocks lying around and then...you just...hold down R1 and don't stop til the credits roll. No joke, thats it. You press R1 and Magus throws glowy orbs non-stop. I mean, sure there are skill trees but...you don't really need any of the skills. Ok, I lie, there's one skill that I did use. You throw out a bunch of green flame. Its a decent AOE for the completely SHIT, HORRID, OMFG I HATE THIS level where you're on a beach and a bunch of lizard men keep dropping out of the sky non-stop. Fuck that level.

The game is SUPER short. Its got the generic tutorial "get out of jail" that seems to be pretty fucking standard in RPGS. Then you get a Tower and there you find a world map with 4...yes..FOUR locations to choose from, you can do them in any order and they are pretty damn generic and straightforward as well. There's SHIT BEACH as I mentioned. DARK DANK CORRIDOR MINE, HEY LOOK BROWN aka DESOLATE DESERT FULL OF PRO WRESTLERS? and OH WOW AN ICE LEVEL WHAT A SURPRISE. Once you shoot your way through all of those a whole new world opens up...No, I'm lying, one more location opens up... FINAL TWIST CASTLE!  The castle has probably the hardest boss in the game and I use the term "hard" very very loosely. Like all other battles, I got through it by....running around in circles holding down the R1 button.
But...in case the game wasn't quite dumbed down enough yet...that chick that got you out of jail, she tags along for the entire game, and she doesn't die...ever...also, she seems to have some sort of enemy attracting perfume on. I spent most of the game standing around holding down R1 and killing everything while they all just clustered around her and ignored me.

The face of a GOD!
herp derp

Story... oh..story...As mentioned..my ugly bald dude is a god...with amnesia or something...and I'm in jail for...reasons...and this chick gets me out...because she felt she had to, though she doesn't know me..she just...kinda had a feeling. Like when I'm kinda hungry, vaguely, but don't know what to eat and I go to the fridge and stare for a while and eventually eat like a piece of cheese. Seriously, she tells you that she goes around prisons looking for "someone" cause she has a "feeling" and she hasn't found them yet but she doesn't know who it is but she's pretty sure its you. I swear...this is the actual story. Then we set off to...um...I don't really know. To find out who sent her to look for someone? to stop the king of the land from being a dick? to proclaim my godhood to all I see? Yes? Its all pretty vague and pointless.
The main character is silent with dialogue choices you choose from but everyone else is voiced...and its surprisingly good voice acting. Like, the dialogue itself is utter cheeseball crap but the actual voice acting is solid. Honestly, its kinda wasted on such terrible writing. I was torn between wanting to skip the cheese and wanting to listen to the voice actors. Now,
While Magus might not speak, that doesn't mean he doesn't have a personality...He's got 2 distinct personality choices...Asshole and bigger asshole. Not gonna lie...I did kinda enjoy that.I told some guy I was gonna beat him with his own spine, that was amusing. Honestly it doesn't matter what choices you make in conversation, the story doesn't change one whit...well except for one part. IF you neglect to talk to one dude after kicking his ass then you will miss a branch of a skill tree. While this is not important AT ALL to gameplay, it is important if you want to get the platinum. So, you know, be as big an asshole as you wanna be, it doesn't matter.

So...aside from being a dick to everyone for the lulz, why did I play this? I don't know! that's just it. It's dumb and ugly and easy and brainless and I fucking played this motherfucker til 4am because I suddenly felt compelled to get the platinum for it. (btw..HOORAY FOR PLATINUM NUMBER TWO! Yes, 2, don't judge!) Most of the trophies can be acquired just by going through the game. There's honestly only 3 you'll need to work for.

Maxing out all 3 skill trees, because you can only max out 2 in a playthrough. So I just saved and reloaded and maxed out the third. And as mentioned above, there's that one missable section.

Collection 100 health potions. (here's a tip...start the game over and break every breakable item in the tutorial dungeon.

Collect 500 items...omg...what a damn slog that was... seriously. All you can do is kill lots and lots of things and pick up the crap they drop until the trophy pops up.

Speaking of items...a collection of the most hideous armor EVER! I can't..I can't even describe it...So...I'll just show you:

spent most of the game in this stylish number

My end game threads
sexy, no?

Whatever you don't use you can give to a unicorn that turns it into scrolls that you can use to pad your stats...don't ask...just go with it...You can also add stat boosting jewels to your outfits and equip up to 4 stat boosting runes...honestly this shit is just there to be there because you truly don't need to boost anything to play through this.

This game is like...a horrible wreck...You just cannot look away. Its bad, its really bad, you know you shouldn't. You know you're a bad person if you do...but you just cannot help yourself. Afterwards you feel dirty and ashamed but at the same time secretly pleased with yourself.The only positives are..the voice work isn't terrible and hey, its a really easy platinum.

I will admit that in a way...I guess the game accomplished what it set out to do...well, if it set out to make you an invincible, all powerful asshole. So..Congrats game maker?

Flash sale ends in a few hours so... for 2 bucks....yeah..get it...just so you can own one of the sh ittiest games ever...after big rigs.

I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!

Yesterday, somewhere around the part of my post where I make sense and get to some sort of lucid point I totally lost my mojo, Seriously, One minute I'm typing away furiously and I have this brilliant and hilarious thought in my mind and the next minute I'm like a deer in the headlights. Mind utterly blank. I was already having doubts about the quality of what I was writing and losing the "punch" i had prepared made me feel even worse. But, I carried on anyway and while its not my best work, it let me rant about something I really hated. During this mind wiping block I talked to my husband and while he didnt get my mojo back, he did give me another idea to write about, Achievements, Trophies and Avatar Awards.

There was a time when the only reward you got for playing  game was finishing it, finally getting to that last castle where the princess was located, maybe racking up a high score and putting your initials in (and be honest, how many of you were as mature as me and always entered the initials A.S.S?).
Those times are come and gone and the stakes are higher, yet equally meaningless. These days your worth as a gamer is measured in achievements, trophies and ugly T-shirts and hats for your avatar.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not hating on achievements, I love hearing the little achievement unlocked sound while playing a 360 game, however I don't actively go out of my way to get them. I've played tons of games and own even more and I can't say that I have come close to getting all of the achievements on any of them. PS3 trophies mean even less to me. Even Steam has achievements sometimes numbering in the hundreds for games, I have even less of those.

I'm a firm believer that games should be played for fun and relaxation. If it feels like work, then your doing it wrong and putting myself through the paces of trying to play a game on its highest difficulty with my mediocre skills in the hopes of getting that elusive ding! seems like too much work and not much fun, so I dont bother.

I bought my 360 in late 2007 and by virtue of just playing a lot of different games I've managed to get my gamerscore somewhere around 14,000. This isn't particularly impressive I'm told, but, I wasnt exactly trying to impress anyone.
My kids game quite a bit and my husband is slowly jumping onto the bandwagon of regular gameplay and all of them seem to be a bit too involved with their gamerscores. My daughter brags about having more achievements than me in Fallout 3, My husband would not rest until he could brag to her that he had more achievements than her in general. I just laugh at them and shake my head and say, "yeah well, I have more than both of you combined so STFU. Its not like I can do anything with it."
But what about the other 2 kids? I mean, I mentioned one of them but everyone here games.

The younger two are the reason I'm writing this. For various reasons they both have pretty low gamerscores. My daughter because she doesnt play much and my son because he isnt skilled enough in most games to get achievements.
To me, I don't see the big deal, but to them, they've got this...thing...that he with the highest gamerscore kicks the most ass. Not to mention they want those sweet sweet avatar awards, like the ridiculously  ugly "shades of infinity" from the game Lips that no one actually puts on their avatar....cause they're fugly:

So what's happening more and more often in my house is my kids asking me and on occasion my husband to play games under their profiles in order to get more achievements and avatar awards.
Now, understand, I don't mind helping them get through a tough boss or a hard section of a game, hell I don't even mind getting them avatar awards. (currently I'm playing Ilomilo for my son so he can get Ilo and Milo as props for his avatar.) But I do see a problem with them wanting us to get achievements for them. First of all, achievements aren't what playing games is about, at least that shouldnt be what its about. Its about the enjoyment and its also about the satisfaction of figuring out and getting past tougher areas on your own. That's why they are called "achievements" because you achieved these goals. Getting someone else to achieve them for you diminishes both the spirit of the game and the spirit of achievements. My kids along with countless others have fallen into this obsession with watching that number go up and this is a bad trend.
Instead of putting a game in the console and jumping into the action the first thing they do is go check out the list of achievements.

Our Wii gets the least amount of playtime, as it does apparently in most people's houses. Sometimes I wonder, is it because everyone is too lazy to move around while playing? Or is it because there are no achievements.
Yesterday my son was playing his DS and he comes running up to me to show me all the "medals" he had gotten so far in a game and to tell me all about the ones he was missing and how hard they were to get. I ask him what the game was about and he mumbled something about "penguins...do stuff...and...YOU GET MEDALS!!!"
The night before last everyone was playing DJ Hero 2, except me, cause I had a migraine and I was also busy  sucking at being stealthy in Deus Ex. For simplicity's sake everyone was playing under my husband's profile. My son was NOT happy with this at all, because he didn't get any achievements or unlock anything. He gave me his wide eyed sad puppy dog face and asked me if I would play under his profile the next day and unlock stuff for him...maybe get him an achievement or two. I can't resist the puppy dog look. He's like a walking Chibi, how can I say no to that mammoth head with big ole brown eyes and skinny little body. I just wanna squish him til he pops. So of course I said, "yeah, I'll do that."
The next day its 2 hours before he comes home from school and I still havent' gotten around to the game, so I drop what I'm doing and log in as him and start scratchin'.
I started playing, things in the game started unlocking, every so often that ding! went off and by the time I left to pick him up he had 6 achievements and I dont know what all unlocked in the game.
He gets in the car and I say "I played for you, got some stuff." His reply "How many achievements did you get? what did you unlock?" Both my daughters turned to him and said "uh, how about a thanks mom?" I said nothing and he says quietly "thanks mom." then adds "what did you get?" I told him I didn't know, I wasnt paying attention, I was just playing. And that's when it hit me, "Why am I encouraging and enabling this?" Of course hypocritical me immediately added "dammit, I got him all this stuff and achievements and I still haven't played under my name and so I have no achievements"
OH MY GOD! I think the achievement whoring is contagious and spreading fast!

Playing the PS3 everyone in my family, myself included has complained about the fact that in co-op games the second player can't sign in and therefore gets no trophies and how unfair that is. But should it really matter? I mean, what do I get besides a whole bunch of electronic trophies? Does it make the game any less fun because I dont get them? Or better because I do?
I remember reading an article long ago about a woman who had an insanely high gamerscore, and she described how she got to that score. Through legitimate gameplay, yes but also by buying and playing games like "High School Musical Sing It" and then holding the mic up to the radio. By buying and playing mediocre games just to get the achievements, and then trading them for other mediocre games with other gamerscore padding people. I can't help but think this incredibly pathetic and also...a little disturbing. Is having a high gamerscore worth all this effort?  And how can you be proud of something you didnt even achieve?
Achievements were put into games to encourage gamers to stick it out til the end, to be that motivational sticker you got in grade school. You know, the little foil stars the teachers would put on your test paper when you got an A. A small ego boost, maybe even some bragging rights but, not the end all, be all of gaming.

Achievements fall into that place, the one where competitive sports and activities fall into. That place where you wanna win and you want to point out you won, but you have to be careful not to end up more obsessed with the winning than the doing. Its that bad cliche "its not whether you win or lose its how you play the game".
So how do you counter achievement obsessing?  Because lets be honest...How many people that say it, truly believe it isnt about whether you win or lose and who doesn't feel a little superior when they have a higher gamerscore than their friend or sibling? Competition is good, it motivates...Taken too far though, it divides.