Confused? Yeah, me too.
So, you know, this blog is called "our mom games" but I don't talk all that much about the kids or how my gaming affects them. I mean, I do, but not often. Probably because its just something that is. Its just normal life here.
Every so often though, it makes life a little...weird. Like this week.
A few days ago my daughter wanted to know how many games I own, I asked her why and she replied that her friend said he had more games than me. I said, "tell him I have almost 5,000 (which is true)" She gleefully replied "he definitely wont have more than that." Great, I win the bragging contest between 10yr olds.
Last week both my daughters borrowed some of my clothes and my 7th graders "clique clout" went up. Great, my clothes are in style for 12yr olds....Might have to rethink my wardrobe....but it gets better.
For those that don't know, cause you aren't on my Facebook, I recently dyed my hair, this is normally not earth shattering news. But it gets a little more attention when you are in your mid 30s and go for colors outside the normal spectrum. This is me now:
Ignore the evil yet goofy look on my face and check out my ultra bright hair. It was originally a very bright deep red and its faded to a weird pinkish orange. So its bad enough to be in your 30s and have anime hair (also, imagine the awkwardness of going to a funeral looking this....festive), But it appears I am indeed the unwitting Fashionista of the 7th grade.
Last night my daughter tells me that tons of girls came to school with their bangs bleached blonde one day and the next day hot pink. Why? Because they saw me during school registration and my hair was so cool.
Now, I'm glad my daughter is enjoying a popularity surge at school, but I feel kinda weird that its because her mom has Peter Pan syndrome.
Now, as this school year starts I find myself doubting myself. Maybe its just that whole weird mood swing thing that comes with another birthday (in 2 days btw). But, I find myself feeling very insecure and unsure. I think back to my youth. My parents were much like everyone elses parents...Kinda lame, dressed like old people and didn't know an NES from a Playstation. My friends and I would complain and wish our parents were "cool" though no one had a definition to what a "cool parent" would be. We all knew though that we'd be "cool" parents when we had kids.
Since I blocked out high school the minute I touched my diploma I can't speak for any of my old friends and how "cool" they became. I know that I've tried to be a good parent, and most importantly to always be true to myself and teach my kids to be true to themselves as well. Now I'm wondering if "myself" is something I should have shelved when I had kids.
I remember one night a few years back I was at Wal-Mart with my family and this woman passed by, 4 inch patent leather heels, leopard print pencil skirt with a black lacy top, platinum blonde hair flowing over her shoulders and when she turned around...She couldn't have been a day under 60. OMG woman...could you please dress more age appropriately??? You know, you don't have to wear a mumu or polyester elastic waistband pants but...you know, put down the hooker shoes and animal prints.
That's who I don't want to be and who I'm afraid I'll become.
My kids assure me that I am awesome and the coolest mom on the planet, but, you know, they haven't hit the teenage "I hate everything" stage just yet, besides cool can turn on a dime. Currently I'm fashion queen, next week my kids could be asking me to park at the end of the block an hour after school ends so none of their friends will see them with me.
I can't imagine not being me. I love clothes and high heels and boots, I have an awesome collection of boots. I play games constantly, there isn't a day when I'm not gaming on some sort of device. I like my hair the way it is though now that its faded I'm thinking of going blue or purple. Hell, I'm considering getting a tattoo of the Fable Guild Seal. I'm just being me. But I wonder if that's good or bad. Would my kids be happier if I were the cookie baking, PTA joining kinda mom. They say no of course, they think mom having pink hair and owning more games than all the boys in their class combined is the awesomest thing ever, and my 12yr old also throws in the bonus of a closet that is the envy of all her little friends. But, what do they know? They've never had a "normal" mom. I own a minivan, that's as close as I get to traditional mom. For the record, I love my Hunter Green Caravan Sport. I'm not ashamed to admit it.
I've taken a lot of flak from other parents for being the laid back, non-traditional gamer parent that I am. But, kids have always liked me, my kids and other people's kids. I guess I'm afraid of the day I stop being cool and just start being pathetic. I mean, don't get me wrong, it is my mission in life to embarrass my kids every so often, just, not by my presence.
Well, at least my husband is a normal, boring (yeah, I said it...I know you're reading this) dad.Maybe that will balance things out. I don't know.