Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Bioshock Infinite

So, I've been playing Bioshock Infinite which everyone assures me is the greatest game on God's green earth.
I haven't finished it, and I'm gonna try to do this spoiler free so if I'm vague in proving my points, I apologize now.
These are MY opinions, your mileage may vary.
My typing sucks ass, sometimes I miss words, sometimes I miss punctuation, I love ellipses too much and I ramble.

Now that I've gotten all that outta the way for the uptight neurotic assholes that like to rag on me, I'll share my thoughts on Bioshock Infinite. (If I missed any disclaimers about content or execution...FUCK YOU)

It started well enough, reminiscent of the original Bioshock with the lighthouse in the middle of the ocean. Of course I went up instead of down and that was good too. Then I got to the world's most egotistical cathedral  dedicated to The Prophet and his wife while creepy people praised the Founders. I was Baptized half to death Praise The Prophet! and I've been getting  bible  Prophet thumped ever since. Seriously, I am so fucking sick of hearing about the prohet, from the prophet, about his wife and his lamb and his crap. I DONT FUCKING GIVE A SHIT ! Just point my gun in the right direction assholes.
The story tries so fucking hard to be edgy and controversial, deep and meaningful and its just a lot of fucking jibber jabber.
You ever read about the Civil War? Imagine the whole slave arguments and shit took place in a floating city. Congrats! Welcome to Columbia.

Not saying that Andrew Ryan didn't spout a latrine full of bullshit in Bioshock 1 but, somehow it didn't sound quite as pompous or boring as Comstock's rhetoric.

You see, in Bioshock, Ryan's philosophies  fit. The city reflects his ideals, even the chaos that ensues reflects them. No Gods or Kings only Man. In a world like that, I can imagine Plasmids being created, people abusing them and going batshit. it works.

Please tell me where in an ultra religious world magical powers fit in? Because going just by history we know that people who knew just a little more about herbal remedies than others were systematically burned at the stake. Right there I hit a major disconnect. A world of ultra-conservative, xenophobic bible thumpers regularly swigging down bottles of "Devil's Kiss" in order to throw fire grenades from their hands or drinking some "Possession" to control machines and people around them. Yeah, that makes EPIC SENSE. Hell even today, with all the technology and all the "forward thinking" people in the world, you start shooting lightning from your hands, you're gonna get fucking dissected. If you're lucky they'll put you to sleep with painless meds rather than let the crowds stone you to death.

Then there's the matter of no not the whole magic tears in reality shit...I don't care how many fucking books she read, how can the bitch A. Pick locks like she's picking her teeth after dinner, find random money, ammo and salts  constantly, has no problem keeping up with me on those goddamn sky hook rails, crouches down in the middle of a fight and magically never gets hit by a bullet or a fist or some fucking hand lightning.
...if you are obsessed with going to Paris...why do you know the coordinates to New York? Just sayin'

The Vox Populi/Daisy Fitzroy are no better than Comstock and I despise them equally, though luckily I hear considerably less propaganda shit from them. Can't go into details, spoilers, but...that was a very unsatisfactory faction/leader.

Booker...oh Booker...I wanna love you, despite the hideousness of your face in that one commercial, you're pretty damn smexy...and Troy Baker...DAT VOICE! However, he's a self centered douchebag and I'm not sure if I wanna punch my enemies or my own character in the head repeatedly.

The city of Columbia is indeed beautiful, the people however are stiff mannequins with zero facial expressions. That's kinda off putting. I find myself using only 1 power 90% of the time and 1 gun.
Oh and that much vaunted sky hook ability thing... FUCK YOU HARD.
I seriously had to pause the game at one point for about 20 minutes while i tried to keep my lunch down. Every damn time I have to use those rails I get severe vertigo. Its confusing, dizzying and nauseating. I HATE it with a passion. As an optional thing, it would have been ok but being forced to go up and down those fucking rails defeating enemies and then trying to find the place you are going and landing there...yeah no. On the flip side, smacking people in the face with the sky hook is pretty fun.

Overall, its a good game. Combat is fun and a little challenging. Booker can say some pretty amusing shit from time to time and i'm invested enough that I plan on going back to it and finishing it soon but, its not the miraculously amazing game everyone makes it out to be. Its trying too hard to recreate the magic of the original Bioshock and it just falls short of the mark.

oh and one more thing....WTF do they have against maps?????


Marco Campo said...

Good read. I plan on getting this game eventually. Everyone I know has positive feedback about it.

Sihaya Atreides said...

Its a good game, don't get me wrong. IT just doesn't deserve THAT MUCH hype. and there are a number of things that bother me about the story but, like I said, I plan on seeing it through to the end and if someone asks me if they should play it, I'd say yes.

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