Monday, May 5, 2014

I really don't get it

I want to apologize right at the start if the writing in this post is total shit and super awkward. Its been so long since I've actually sat down to write more than 2 sentences on Facebook that I think I've forgotten how to be coherent and fluid. Bear with me, I'm sure I'll get the hang of it again soon enough.

Today's rant shall be....

What's wrong with Handhelds?

Saturday my Vita copy of Final Fantasy X arrived. Of course I immediately cracked that bitch open and started playing. well, continued playing because cross saves are awesome!

As I was playing the game and putting it on standby every few minutes thought about how damn convenient it was. Every time one of my daughters started bitching or threatening to murder the other i just tapped the button on my Vita and put it down in order to threaten bodily harm to the little monsters. Every time my dog decided that he wanted back on the bed that he can't reach, even though I had put him up there 2 minutes ago and he promptly decided to jump off again, I could just put my Vita on standby and grab the little snot up. Snack break, bathroom break, FB break...whatever. Wake up from a nap, roll over and turn the damn thing on and carry on playing right where I left off.

I love my Vita.
I also love my 3DS, PSPs, DSLites and GBAs. At the moment if you look on my bed you'll find 2 PSPs, a case of memory cards and game cards, my Vita and my 3DS right next to my pillow.
Why the hell do I have all that on my bed?
Because i'm indecisive and have total gaming ADD. I'll bounce around from playing FF9 on my PSP to Danganronpa on my Vita to Fire Emblem on my 3DS (that one never lasts long since i suck at it and fail miserably every time i play) then I drop them all and read a little on my phone for a while (Finally on book 4 of A Song of Ice and Fire!).

When I go out I tend to carry a messenger bag with my girl shit (lipstick, phone, tampons, mints) and my handhelds...because you never know when you have 5 minutes to squeeze in some God of War.

So yes, I adore handhelds. I'm more likely to play a game on a handheld than I am a console, which is exactly why I bought a Vita copy of FFX even though I bought the PS3 version as well. I find the pick up and play nature of handhelds meshes well with my life...and its not even like I'm a person who is always on the go. If you know me you know I am a fucking hermit who hates leaving the house unless it is absolutely necessary. So I tend to play my handhelds at home 98% of the time....just a few feet away from my consoles...and my walls of games...because sometimes the only way I'll get to play something and make progress in it is if I can easily turn it on, turn it off and pause it at will even in the middle of a cutscene or battle.

Not much of a rant is it? I mean, you know me. My rants consist of enough Fbombs to nuke a planet and a lot of yelling and rabid foaming at the mouth. So far I've just verbally jerked off handhelds for a few minutes, haven't I?

You see, my rant isn't about why I think handhelds suck. Its about people constantly saying handhelds suck and their reactions to people who like them.

I bought my Vita for 1 game.
Assassin's Creed Liberation.
I bought the Collector's Edition Vita bundle with AC: Liberation.
I played the shit outta AC: Liberation and I really really enjoyed it. I even finished date its the only AC game I have finished, though I own them all.

I heard THIS a lot when that game came out "It looks really good, too bad its on a handheld." "I'd play that if it was on a console" "why the fuck did they make that a handheld game?"
There was so much shit about it that the game finally got released on PS3.

But, that's just one game in thousands.
I've lost count of how many times that same damn whine has been thrown out there "I'd play it if it weren't on a handheld." "handhelds suck, why isn't X game coming out on consoles?"
How about you shut the fuck up and buy a damn handheld if you wanna play the game so badly?? (before anyone gets on my ass about  how expensive a handheld is and how you have no money..STFU, I'm a broke ass bitch with 3 kids and I managed to save up to buy a Vita and I own a shitload of games and consoles. If gaming is seriously THAT expensive for you then you should get a cheaper hobby)

I've been told before that handheld games don't count as "real" games. Well Persona 4 Golden says "fuck you too"

I swear if I could play my Xbox games on some sort of handheld I'd be the happiest bitch on the planet!
Currently when I'm not playing FFX on my Vita I'm playing FFIX on my PSP...Actually, I have FF1-10 between my PSP, Vita and DS that I play on and off. Its just...more convenient for me to play shit on handhelds and I imagine that if I actually had a life and left the house once in a while I'd find my handhelds even more indispensable. I've re-bought games I have on PC or Console on my Handhelds just for the convenience of it.

What is it that people hate about handhelds?'ve heard complaints of a small screen....Look people, I have astigmatism ffs, if it doesn't bother me then you can fucking live with it.
Then there's the complaint of hand cramps...Honestly, holding anything for a long period of time and doing a repetitive motion is going to cause pain. I get hand cramps from playing xbox too long and the 360 controller is built perfectly for my man hands. So, lets throw that one out too.
Here's the one I've heard the most and it makes me wanna start dick punching everyone around me...The graphics.
If your main concern is how shiny and pretty the games you play are then maybe you aren't really a gamer. Graphics do not equal quality. I'll take ugly with fabulous gameplay and good story over a shiny turd any day. But if you really wanna rag on graphics...Muramasa has a Katana it'd like to shove up your ass.
Then there's the argument that isn't solely reserved for handhelds I know, but its still made so it counts, they have no games.
That argument is again a giant crock of shit. As of right now both the Vita and the 3DS have over 500 games  each in their catalogs. If you don't think 500 games is more than enough games to find SOMETHING you will want to play then there's something seriously wrong with you and you should seek professional help because I'm just some ranty bitch on a PC and I can't help your kind of crazy.


Andrew Beardall said...

twiiiiiiinz are weeeeeeee

Sihaya Atreides said...

You're so silly lol